Monday, February 23, 2009

Haven't posted in quite a while. I've been meaning to, but it's hard to make myself do it at times. I went through a valley a few weeks ago worse than the initial diagnosis. I guess we had a few particularly bad meltdowns, and the realization that he's only 5, and the fear that it could get a LOT worse. I dunno, but I spent the better part of a week feeling that I could burst into tears at any moment and did a few times. That is very much not like me...I cry over sappy movies, yes, but real life very rarely. I finally told my Sunday School class, asked for prayer, and began feeling better the next day. So anyway....I'm finding myself praying more, and feeling more optimistic.

Every time I go to school either a teacher, an aide, the nurse...somebody, always stops me to tell me how much they love Justin. "He just smiles all the time", "he's the happiest kid I know", "he just lights up my day", etc... one even told me "everyone should have a child like him". I am thankful beyond measure for this - he obviously saves his worst behavior for me. I suppose that is a good thing, but it also wears on me emotionally that they get so much of the loving, happy Justin, and I get that mixed with outbursts of angry, violent, wild Justin. If only I could keep him the loving, happy, smiley boy all the time......

2 comments:

Sarah said...

So sorry to hear things are difficult right now.

fragilemom said...

OMG! This sounds soooo much like me. Our oldest and most affected is 5 (we have 3 FX kiddos). We get the same comments at school, which makes me happy because I'd rather him be like that with other people (probably because I don't want the "your kid has behavior issues, what kind of mom are you..blah, blah, blah" fears that I would get if he showed the world the same as he shows me at home. Selfish, I know. I just always try to hold on to the happy kid even when he's having an outburst that I totally do not understand. I try to remember that God is bigger than me, him and Fragile X. Just because I have NO IDEA what the future holds doesn't mean I have to assume that it's going to be bad. Don't get me wrong, I'm not there yet. But I try. Hang in there. If you ever want to email, I'd love to share stories....codds4@sbcglobal.net.